[R] Calling All Cars - Senses Fail

The physical remains in the realm of the physical.
The mental lies solely within the mind.
The spiritual exists only in a place we can not reach.
The emotional forever intangible.

Such are the basics under which life operates on. The guiding principle for a life that is in fact a success.
So if we accept that to mean success. Then what does failure mean?

Simple. Failure is when the four corners merge and the borders between them grow diluted. When one's start and the other's end is nowhere to be seen. When all that remains is one giant mess.

Thus, would it be accurate to call my life a failure? I, who fight day and night to corral the individuals into their proper places in an attempt to re-establish, live in such a state of chaos. When it finally seems like all the pieces of the puzzle are about to be put together and once again take their original form, one rogue piece decides to throw it all out of order again. Leaving me helpless as I watch life undo itself before my very eyes, I unable to grasp even the smallest part. 

When the physical penetrates the mental.
When the mental invades the spiritual.
When the spiritual harasses the emotional.
When the emotional causes ill on the physical.
Failure Occurs.

I stare now at a puzzle with one last chance to re-assemble it. And I've been giving an idea of how to solve it this time. But as I set out to work on it, the ethereal hand of despair grasps unto my very existence and threatens death itself.

The physical falls ill.
The mental disintegrates into chaos.
The spiritual grows tainted.
The emotional dissolves into dread.

What then? When utter disarray befalls all aspects and no refuge remains, what awaits?

If only I was as strong as I act. Then maybe this cacophonous symphony would be set straight.

For now, only my masks remain as a source of strength. Hopefully the lies will turn into a source of power. Until then I stumble around once again.

[R] You're My Home - Billy Joel

Lack of updates? A and B: Spring break for half of it, the roller coaster of awesome people for the other half of it.

I dunno. Over spring break I went from feeling awesome to miserable and back a lot, but I think it was because I was being forced to be in close contact with someone that I really just wanted to either get away from altogether, or get /really/ close to in order to just solve all problems. (Jess, 'Duh) But that last weekend at Disney/Universal, I remember saturday night when Jess and I were having a little bout, I realized that my feelings for her were already subsiding. Cue Monday and... Just... Fuck I'll get back to you when I'm not too busy thinking about it xD

Truthfully though. I am happy now. Actually ecstatic. It's such a novel feeling to me that I probably look like a damn awkward mofo. But that's ok. The lulz will subside eventually. I don't know why. I really don't. But I know that for some reason this just feels... right? Incredibly right? I can't tell how this will go in the future. I can't tell how things will eventually play out, but, they will play out how they're supposed to. Not gonna lie the boulder that I saw on the road remains mighty daunting, but, I'm confident we can get past it, and I lie writhing in anticipation at what awaits beyond it's terrifying figure.

It's funny. Minus for that one moment, sunday night, the wrenching despair that I felt so strongly has been dissipating. It started sunday morning at Disney a week and a half ago... And as I slowly regained myself in more concrete terms, it got better. I think it helped, so very much, that the more I came back, the more a certain someone was attracted to me.

The more I accepted myself, the more others accepted me for who I am.