[D] April 7th, 2011

Huh~

First thoughts first.. Jesus fucking cunt nugget. Is it really 2011 already? And are we really a fourth into the year? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I'm getting old. I really am. FML.

Lemme do a quick rundown of my life upto this point, moreso for my own organization than anything else. Had a birthday celebrated for the first time ever last month. Proceeded to meet an amazing girl and am now dating said girl. Declared my major and minors, I have a pretty good idea of what my future is gonna look like, class wise, for quite a while. Other than that. Herpderp.

So uh. Ricky is pissed at me, and although I feel kinda guilty about... I honestly don't care. I tried to stop it multiple times and he just continued on anyways. If he wants to rage. He's more than welcome to. I don't care. Honestly... If he's not even willing to talk/listen then I'm wiping my hands clean of this bs. It's up to him.

And, to what's going to turn into an going discussion about my girlfriend, Tori. I dunno what to think/say/do half the times. I don't understand what's happening to me but I can't get control it. It sucks. I wish my logic could grab a hold of my thoughts and bash some fucking sense into them. I wish I wasn't so insecure. I wish I didn't hate myself so much. I wish I could trust... I wish... Bleh.. This gets continued later.

I'm happy usually though. Just knowing I have someone I can trust to some degree. It's nice. It's entertaining. It's amusing. It sucks that I'm a guy though and guy-urges tend to kick in every so often. Shitsux yo. Does it really? Yes. Also. She says that she will eventually try to distance herself from me, and that it will be the ultimate test. Eventually? Love. You're doing it right now. I hope you notice it. I do. I know said you don't notice it half the times you do it, but you're doing it now. Can't you please wait? Wait till I learn to trust first... Please. I'll wait an eternity for you and deal with all the tests. Just please, don't throw me into the lion's den armed with only my fists. I eagerly await the arrival of summer. Why? Because. If by then you and I aren't at the top of our game. We won't last the summer. We won't love. We really won't.

School is meh. Family sucks. Shit's usual.