Tori

Tori. I can't decide whether I'd be better off fully removing you from my life or not. I love you. You don't. I want you in my life so much. I miss you more than even I want to admit. It hurts so much. I can't handle the pain. You have no idea how much it hurts. Please. Someone. SOMEONE.

Tori. I need a friend. I need your friendship. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of wanting you. I don't know which pain is worse. The pain of not having you in my life at all, or having you in my life and not having you as mine. I don't know but right now the pain is telling me anything is better than this. I cry over you all the time and it only gets worse with time. I miss you more and more.

Why do you hate me so much? I... Don't deserve this Tori. I really don't. What did I do for you to hate me this much? Ok fine. I was an idiot. Oh god I was an idiot. I'm sorry! Please. Please. Just... It hurts. SO much. Oh god it hurts but still. Please. Just.

Geez. I'm crying again. I wish I could stop the tears.

It feels like I've lost a part of me. I feel like some strong part of me has outright died. And I know I'll never get over it. I wish things weren't this painful. I wish circumstances didn't make you so utterly painful to think about. Please Tori. Please...

Geez how fucking pathetic am I? Crying and yelling into the middle of the night over the same damn thing that I have been for weeks now with no end in sight. Why can't I move on?! Why do I have to care about you this much?! Why did you dig yourself so deep into my being so quick? Why did you crit. me?

I'm much too weak. Much too fragile. I couldn't handle it. It sucks.

But never again. I can't even begin to think about caring for anyone else. So I guess that means I'm strong now? I'm never going to cry over anyone else ever again.. Thank you I guess...

It's retarded but you really are probably the only thing I have closest to a friend anymore. Sure there are others who care, but no one I feel like I can talk to. I've alienated everyone, even you. Right now the only thing that remains is a memory of you. A ghost. A ghost is all I have.

It feels like I'm trying to move forwards with gravity at 1000000% It's just not working out and it only hurts like hell.

But i have no other option do I...

fuck...

someone help me please.