[L] Welcome to the Family - Avenged Sevenfold

Dear Friends,

I've noticed though that I tend to be quite... what's the word I'm looking for, unfair? To people I know online who are just as, if not more important to me than people like Jess, and yet I give them no credit. I don't do it to belittle them, I don't even do it consciously, I just do it. I guess it's because the internet has been fixture in my life, and some of these people have become so essential to my being that I take them for granted, and yet these physical interactions are so new and alien to me that it's not quite unlike a child in a toystore. 

Scott, Santiago, Xenia, Wendy, and Will, and to some extent even Megan, Nick, Jason and Lian have all become so... so strongly imbued in my sense of self that it's hard for me not to consider them close friends, and yet, I take it for granted. Why? I don't know. Fuck knows they have seen the worst of me. And one of you have seen the absolute worst of me, period. And yet y'all are still here, pushing what, seven plus years with one of you? Christ. 

I need to look closer to home before I try looking elsewhere. I need to realize, I have best friends. I have friends who would try their best to help me and in fact some of you already have... Just because I don't get utterly derpy around you guys (which seems to be a prerequisite to anything irl) doesn't mean that you guys aren't important to me. In fact quite the opposite. I've been trying to find positive attributes about myself, trying to understand myself, who I am, how I got to be that way. And I came to the realization that for better or worse, all of you have played a hand in shaping who I am today, and will continue to do so in the future. Words of advice imparted unto me by all of you still ring in my head, and yet only now is it registering. No, that's wrong... Only now can I say I understand it. Only now can I say understand the gesture, the meaning, and the effort.

I really do owe you guys a whole lot. Fuck, I consider a couple of you my brothers, and I'd say I consider Xenia something not unlike a sister but jesus christ that would be more complicated to think about than I really care to expound effort on. The thought counts right? xD - But anyways. I'm changing, everyone changes, and now it's time for me to really change. Not subconscious, gradual changes. But changes that are going to take insane ammounts of effort. And I'm human, so I'm going to make mistakes, I can only hope that everything I've already taken from you guys will be more than enough for me to keep on going. I hope I can turn into someone you can all be proud of calling friend. I hope I can do the amount of time and effort you've all dedicated into helping me, justice.

I need to remember that I do have you guys. That I'm not alone. And that people do care. Thank you. All of you. So much. Thanks.

だいたいちょ

Edit: Derp... http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=482558581820 - Scott just broke my mind and almost brought me to tears. DERP