Monday, January 31, 2011

[R] Violent Pornography - System of a Down

Holy, fucking derp.

I realize that some problems within me are going to be around for probably fucking ever. Every night I feel this crippling despair wrench itself unto my very existence and it slowly twists it. There are days where I manage to undo the twisting, and then some, other days it just stays as is. But it all seems for naught because whatever is causing this hell-sent torture, still lurks around awaiting it's prey every night.

I am unable to find any real pleasure in things, because come night time, my mind twists everything into as negative a spin as humanely possible. This process has been going on for years. These past seven weeks I've been attempting my hardest to stop the cycle, reverse, the twisting, and fight it with everything I have.

But my attempts have backfired. The cure turned into the venom.

It feels like drowning in pitch darkness. No clue if it's two feet of water, two inches, or two thousand feet. All you know is that you're drowning, and whenever you finally get to start gaining your balance or see some light, you get pushed. Or you get blinded. It's just a never ending vicious cycle. How I wish they would just leave me be. I want to go one night without feeling like the world's ending.

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